You may recall back in January, we traveled to the northern most part of Latin America… Miami, to check in on the punk scene and practice our Spanish. That journey led us to Churchill’s Pub, pretty much the equivalent of CBGB’s for Miami, (complete with ugly toilet), albeit with a different history and the little fact that it is still open for business.
If you missed it, check it our here under our post “Miami-A Punk’s Guide to non Douchebag Activities”
Well, douchebags are a hearty breed, they come in all shapes and sizes and have spread like the plague throughout the U.S. and even the world, doubling, perhaps tripling their population over the last 10-20 years thanks in part to reality TV shows like “The Kardashians” and “Jersey Shore” and the rise of Electronic Music.
Douchebags can live almost anywhere, but they especially thrive in environments devoid of genuine people and authentic culture. So you probably won’t find many in the Amazon Rainforest or in the Andean mountains of Peru… You may find them in Tibet or Nepal but only passing through on their way to a rave. Not many in Antarctica but it’s getting harder and harder to avoid them.
I am back in Miami this weekend and unbeknownst to me, I hit it right in the middle of douchebag mania, the Winter Music Conference and Ultra Music Festival … curses! What are the odds? You’d almost think I planned it this way (I swear I did not).
Now I will not lie, there are rare occasions that I actually dig Electronica, House, or whatever the hell you call the music that is made by computers and not by humans that has infiltrated the radio airwaves these days. I find myself singing “I’m sexy and I know it” or actually enjoying that Black Eye Peas hook like “whad you gonna do wid all dat junk, all dat junk up in yo trunk?” followed by another simple hook “you got me singing like Mr. Roboto” or something like that to force a rhyme.
I have to admit, if I could write hooks like that, my friend, this blog would not exist. I’d be writing those hooky songs, letting some computer geek put it all together and I’d be hanging at the Fountainbleu and working the UMC for all it’s worth (assuming I wasn’t on tour at some stadium playing for a crowd of sheep consisting mainly of… you guessed it.. douchebags).
But I can’t or don’t write hooks like that.. I can barely crank out a post or two a week on this blog that makes a modicum of sense and is not chock full of mistakes.. and I have a feeling that tonight’s gonna be a good night.. dohhh! sorry, I meant to say, I have a feeling that in order to succeed in something you need to enjoy it.. a little at least, and not despise it, which I mostly do.
So no, there will be no UMC for me. Yes, I know that is where the kick ass parties are. Yes I know the hot girls will be there. Yes, I know that I guess, I’m a loser because I don’t like the shit that everyone else seems to LOVE so much. So f’ing be it.
I’m hitting Churchills Pub. That dive of a bar that’s been around since 1979 and is hosting a punk show on Sunday night called “Bomb the Music Industry” featuring bands like “Askultura“, “Enough!” and many more. Click HERE for info on the show.
You can feel free to call me a douchebag if you like dear reader, I don’t mind. I will be the first to admit that I have gone to a tanning bed (not in a long, long time as evidenced by my ghost white complexion), I shaved my chest hair once and I do trim my eyebrows on occasion. I have once or twice posed for the camera trying to look “sexy” and I’ve definitely been with girls who were wayyyyyy out of my league, and I probably was a bit of a poser in order to do so.. but of course, none of that lasted.
After flirting with douchebaggery, I always come back home. Back to the place where its not about how you look but who you really are. Where music is not always some silly hook repeated over and over to a beat that pulsates in strip clubs the world over and guys act like muppets (British slang for “fools”.. you Goldman Sach’s fans), so they can get a girl.
No my friend, I’m firmly in the punk camp and even when I didn’t realize it, always was and I have a feeling… always will be. I don’t let my age define me and say I’m getting to old to get in the pit. Fat Mike (NOFX), Mike Ness (Social D) and the Stern Brothers (Youth Brigade) are all a bit older than I… and yes, I realize the difference between them and me is that they are legendary, but in the end, we all know that sh&* doesn’t matter. What matters is the heart.
No one ever accused me of going to a punk show so I could “get laid”. In fact, I can safely say that has NEVER happened. So the moral of the story is.. if you want to get laid be a douchebag?
NO Grasshopper.. geeez.. haven’t you been paying attention? There is no moral to this rambling story. Its just that I’m in Miami and I want to hit a punk show and that punk show my friends is called “Bomb the Music Industry” and it is at Churchills Pub on Sunday night.. so that is where I’ll be.
If you are in SoFlo then come on out to Churchills and say “hello” or “hola” (I understand both).
And if you are not, or you are but are still are hell bent on hitting the WMC cause you just gotta get laid, then as Tim Tebow might say, “God willing” I’ll have some pics and maybe even videos for you to view from the show next week.